i think its funny when kids ask college professors if they can go to the bathroom for two reasons. one, your in college you dont need to raise your hand to do this. and 2, they sure as hell do not want you to pee yo' pants in the classroom so the answer will always be yes. unlike a marriage proposal.

fat people that have handicapped parking permits make me sick. they wouldnt be so fat if they didnt get to park so close, take the elevator/escalator, those moving sidewalks at airports, living on the first floor, and being just genuinely lazy. them and their kids didn't pop out of their moms morbidly obese, they got that way because their parents obv. don't give a shit and can't parent. if your kid wants candy say "do you want to get fat?" don't let them get it b/c little kids get hyper and run around my store knocking shit down. they state of new york shouldn't have to ban candy and soda in school because thats all the parents feed them at home because they claim they are too busy to cook dinner. theres a solution to that, it's called food prepping. when you're up in the morning making sure little jimmy shoves cereal down his throat before school, season the chicken and put it in a ziploc bag and back in the fridge so when you get home all you have to do is put it in the oven. you dont need to watch it cook just make sure you dont get salmonella. so if your kid comes home crying because the other kids in school called him a whale, sign the little fucker up for soccer or make him play DDR for hours on end. taking him to mcdonalds isnt going to make him thin, you're just adding fuel to the fire.

Sleight of hand

Yo so check this out. Theres a new game that needs to be tried after an experiment was done. Last week we were taking guesses on how much liquid you could fit into a Frisbee. Turns out they can hold around 50 ounces. So what was the first thing that came to my mind? "Dude you could drink a 40 out of that disc" Sounds absolutely gross and all but a 40 is gross to begin with so it really shouldn't matter. Another idea cam when murph decided to open up mulveys fridge and say "oh, there's only one left"
"one what? beer?"
"nah man, juice boxes"
"oh i thought you meant beer. But I guess that you could put beer in a juice box too."
"and call it a juice box brew."
Amazing idea. Sitting there in class with what your professor thinks is a juicy juice with arthur on the front. But you know what it is. Oh yes, malty, hoppy carbonated goodness.

What's the deal with the need to carry around a gallon of water with them all day. If you need that much water than fill up a couple of nalgenes 4 times a day and drink that. The gallon makes you look like a meathead that lost his way. I highly doubt that lifting the gallon to your mouth will help your biceps grow. 12 ounce curls do more and taste better.

Collar up = Cat collar. You're not cool. If I was your father I would slap you if you ever walked out of the house like that. If you're neck is cold wear a scarf. It gives the impression that you are a prep. Preps generally come from money. Guido wannabees come from trailers. Draw your own conclusions.

Wake for young souls

It hit me the other day. The most blatantly obvious idea that goes through your mind every fucking day. Not sex but the end of things. I really mean the result of things. Like take for instance a scratch off ticket. You read the grand prize and immediately start thinking of all the shit you could do with that money. London, France, buying some new underpants. Whatever you want you can have. But then you don't win shit and fall back to earth. HA!

Same shit goes for when you're in the shower. You think about every decision you've ever made in your life and the outcome of that. So you wonder what could've happened if you went left instead of right, no instead of yes, not having one less drink, not blacking out, not meeting who you did. And suddenly you become like George Costanza. Every instinctual decision you made your whole life was wrong and it has led you in the wrong direction. And frankly you don't give two shits so you pick up your beer and turn the T.V. back on.

Lights out!

The good thing about spring break is that I come back not looking all pasty, the bad thing is that I'm back at Marist surrounded by the same people (and my sun poisoning is gone). SSDD. But it was a good trip down south to a whole 'nother world only 800 miles away. They still hate yankees but believe that booze should be as cheap as cigarettes. That is amazing logic, too bad NY state doesn't think the same. Thanks Hillary.

We had some good fun loving shenanigans in that hotel. Pantsing, shaving cream, water balloons, and the ever so deadly airsoft gun. That thing has got to be the most dangerous non deadly weapon we could get our hands on. I bet the hotel staff was damn pleased when we left.

"Which eye do you look at when you talk to someone?" I be t you didn't know there's actually a proper etiquette answer to this.

...

This isn't going to be a funny sarcastic type blog where I can ramble pointlessly like a NYT journalist but more of a reflection of how things have been.

Sometimes you just get in those moods where you can feel your body ultimatley slow down. Heart rate drops, breathing becomes shallow and all you can think about is every small decision that you have ever made that makes you feel this way. Playing things off as if they don't irritate you, but it eats and personally you know it's not enjoyable.

So a front goes up and once it's up the chances of it coming down are slim. You would rather make it look like you have a tough and constant exterior at all times than to look vulnerable and insecure around anyone for just one second. But sometimes it's just better to have never put the front up at all. Putting up the front leads to pessimisim and cold-heartedness. You're judged by the way you act all the time, reluctant to ever let anyone hear your thoughts on what is going on in your mind.

Alright so that last blog sucked as much as tony homo on saturday night but hey.

You know when you're sitting there makin' some cereal in the morning and you go to pour the milk in the bowl and it hits a flake or square of cereal and the fuckin' milk goes everywhere on the table? All I have to say is it's a good thing I have a cat and she likes milk cos' lord knows I'll never clean it up.