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This isn't going to be a funny sarcastic type blog where I can ramble pointlessly like a NYT journalist but more of a reflection of how things have been.

Sometimes you just get in those moods where you can feel your body ultimatley slow down. Heart rate drops, breathing becomes shallow and all you can think about is every small decision that you have ever made that makes you feel this way. Playing things off as if they don't irritate you, but it eats and personally you know it's not enjoyable.

So a front goes up and once it's up the chances of it coming down are slim. You would rather make it look like you have a tough and constant exterior at all times than to look vulnerable and insecure around anyone for just one second. But sometimes it's just better to have never put the front up at all. Putting up the front leads to pessimisim and cold-heartedness. You're judged by the way you act all the time, reluctant to ever let anyone hear your thoughts on what is going on in your mind.